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The Corny Doctor


"Now, it came to pass that a certain farm labourer, Noe, went to spend his lunch break away from the farmhouse, down by the gentle brook, which flowed across his master's property. On entering the cornfield, he noticed that the corn was fairly high and that harvest time would soon be upon the farm. His eyes were streaming, and he was coughing greatly to stop the wheezing from his chest. "Must be the hay-fever”, he thought to himself. (He couldn't really think to anyone else, now could he?) Feeling tired, this rather hot day, Noe sat down in the corn to have his lunch, and then fell asleep in the heat. He did not notice the farmer, Tom, an elderly man, come into the field. He was carrying a sickle and a scythe, and intended to cut some of the corn. Tom had brought these tools because he had used them years before and wanted to follow the 'green ethic'.


Short-sighted Tom had worked his way towards Noe, when suddenly he was distracted by somebody calling to him. As he turned to see who it was, he swung the scythe, lopping off the left ear of the man lying in the corn, and waking him with such a shriek that Tom fell over in fright. Seeing the blood spraying everywhere and his ear lying on the ground caused Noe great consternation, but he scrambled to his feet, picking up his ear as he did so. He noticed that the bottom part of his ear was red hot, and decided he must have been suffering from lobal warming.


By now, Seth, Noe's brother, had arrived on the scene, out of breath, and, having surveyed the situation, called for an ambulance on his mobile phone. Then, he helped Noe to stem the blood, with his own shirt, and both rushed to the farm house to preserve the ear in ice.


Within the hour, Noe was in the A&E department of the local hospital, where Matron sent young' Doctor Short-Cummins to deal with the situation. "Well, young man," she asked the doctor, "What is your considered opinion?"  "Now, let me see," said Short-Cummins, stroking his newly-grown beard, as if he were going to come out with some profound pronouncement. "Taking into account the wheezing and the coughing and what's taken place....." He paused, and then continued, “It’s obvious..... he's suffering from new-mown ear."


The several people in the cubicle gave out one, loud groaning, "Oh, no." The Doctor, straight-faced as he turned to Noe, said," And I'm going to keep you in stitches for several days, as well. So be warned, young man."


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